I have been thinking lately about the way we, as psychologists, social workers, etc., have been trained to help people make changes. Most of us were not trained in the specific skills necessary to build a strong therapeutic relationship, even though it accounts for between 75-95% of any approach’s effectiveness. And we have been taught to dig into what is wrong, not what strengths, dreams and values the people have. It is as if we are taught to discourage our clients first, then try to help them out of the hole we helped dig! What do you think would happen if instead of rushing to dig into what is going wrong, we listened closely to what is good in their life, who they are, and explored their interests, values, dreams and what they hope for themselves, through simple and complex reflections, through really careful listening, and a gentle curiosity? What would we lose if we let go of our righting reflex? What might we gain?